Volkswagen recalls all their cars, almost

Volkswagen really needs to try harder, their most recent recall announcement is truely lacking in effort.

The Veedub guys recalled 800,000 of their cars due to defects in the brake lights.

VW is definately being outdone in the recall game. I mean, GM recalled two million cars in 2005 due to safety issues. Then Ford one-uped GM by recalling 3.8 million trucks (engine fires are so much fun!). But GM fired back by recalling another 900,000 trucks with bad tailgate locks.

Volkswagen needs to get serious soon, I mean come on only 800,000 recalls? Even bland Toyota out scored them with one million bad cars.

Scoreboard so far:

VW - 800,000 defects
Toyota - 1,000,000
GM - 2,000,000 plus a bonus of 900,000
Ford - 3,800,000 THE WINNER!

Europe prepares to attack Mars

An European Space Agency spacecraft has successfully crossed into hostile Martian airspace. The Rosetta passed just 150 miles from Mars, using the planet's gravity to change course. No word whether the inhabitants of Mars where notified beforehand.

This move reaffirms the European Union's alliance with the Bush administration against the planet Mars, and strikes a blow for anti-interstellar war protesters.

NASA scientists found evidence of water on the surface of Mars due to traces of salt deposits in 2006. After further investigation, additional satillite images provided by the CIA clearly shows evidence of yellow cake uranium, sarin gas, and other WMD's being manufactured on the Martian surface.

President Bush has promised to increase NASA's space war budget and plans to have troops on Mars by 2030. Pre-emptive aerial attacks could begin as soon as the 2008 presidential elections.

Tensions between the Bush Coalition and Mars has heightened after allegations arose that Iran cold be funneling anti-pathfinder weapons to the red planet disguised as rocks.





Links:

CNN - European probe flies by Mars

CNN - Bush unveils vision for moon and beyond

NASA - Water on Mars

Martian satillite images

The Life on Mars Conspiracy

Wikipedia - Martian Pathfinder

Indonesia vs Mud Volcano

Coming Soon: Indonesia vs. Giant Mud Volcano. My money is on the volcano.

In the red corner:
A volcano which for the past nine months has been spitting out mud at a rate of a million barrels a day.


In the blue corner:
The government of Indonesia, which hasn't had much luck with bigger problems like corruption, terrorism and poverty.

The plan is for Indonesian scientists to drop 550 pound concrete balls into the volcano, which they hope will slow down the flow of mud long enough for the 11,000 displaced people to go back home.

Or the concrete balls could stop up the volcano so much that the pent up pressure could explode and turn them into giant concrete cannon balls of doom.


Links:

CNN - Indonesia to try to plug mud volcano with concrete balls

CIA World Factbook on Indonesia

Best of Craigslist

If you have ever browsed through Craig's List (or CL as the cool people call it), you are really missing out if you haven't read the Best of Craig's List archive.

These are the postings that are voted by CL users as the best of the best. Some are useful, such as advice as to why to keep your playful kitten away from your twig and berries to 10 top reasons for a straight man to try dating lesbians.

Other postings give us a glimpse into odd moments in other people's lives, like the woman who finally told her co-worker she liked him but had a booger in her nose. Postings like these make me fell better about myself because I'm not that person.

I'm also glad I'm not the person who has to deal with bitchy transsexuals at the gym or the world's most inconsiderate cat.

But the title of this posting is something that you will never hear me say.

Links:

Best of CL

Britney Spears is a genius

Britney Spears has to be me most intelligent person on the planet, and I don't think she's getting enough respect.

I decided to wait a few days before making a post about the girl who gets more buzz than free pancake day at IHOP. I didn't want to be one of the almost half million blogs about Britney since her ingenious decision to publicly shave her head.

Some argue that her actions this weekend are a desperate cry for help, but I disagree. I think Britney Spears (whom I am now granting an honorary doctorate in humane studies), knew exactly what she was doing and was carefully executing a complex plan.

Britney Spears (or Dr. Britney Spears as we can now call her) is trying to save the world.

Dr. Spears is well aware of how dangerous and scary the world is today, with constant threats of terrorism, war, global warming, and insane astronauts armed with pepper spray. But Dr. Spears also realizes how much the American public hates to discuss those serious matters and how desperately we need some distractions from the crazy world that could kill us all any moment now.

So she brilliantly executed a plan to make all of us stop talking about Iraq and the environment for a whole week. Thank you, Dr. Spears for giving us a brief reprieve from having to listen to actual news on CNN. Britney Spears is going to save the world by distracting us from how ugly the world actually is.

Now only if she gets a tattoo on her face just like Dr. Mike Tyson, Ph.D did, I might forget about the $8.6 trillion national debt.

Links:

Video of Britney's awesome new wig (it definitely doesn't look stupid)

Britney barefoot at a public restroom (very smart move)

NOT SAFE FOR WORK Britney showing her distaste for panties (underwear is so 19th century)

NOT SAFE FOR WORK Spears gets her own statue ... of her giving birth? (not such a smart move)

The Meatrix is real

Every once and a while someone makes a good and thought provoking point about eating meat that makes you think that maybe vegetarians aren't crazy communist hippies after all.

"The Meatrix" falls into this category, but without the how dare you eat anything with a shadow mentality. Actually it asserts that there is nothing wrong with eating meat, but there is something very wrong with treating those animals cruelly and pumping them full of dangerous additives.

"The Meatrix" is a series of flash cartoons made by Free Range Studios that parody the Matrix movies. For instance, Morpheus is now a wise cow named Moopheus that opens up a young pigs eyes (Leo instead of Neo) to the perverse and horrifying realities of the American meat industry.

The scary thing is that everything stated in the flash cartoons is true. I've heard most of the accusations in the Meatrix before, and it should not really surprise anyone that the big business of the meat industry values their profit over sanitary conditions for the animals and healthy products for us to eat.

But all is not lost: there is still hope for a world with a plausible balance between humane treatment for animals and healthier foods for humans. The site states many ways that the individual can make a difference, such as choosing to buy organic foods and supporting smaller local farms that sell produce and meat at farmer's markets.



Links worth watching:

The Meatrix is real

The Meatrix 1, 2 and 2 1/2 films

Free Range Studios

Get involved to stop the Meatrix

Why I failed the 8th grade

Hm, I probably should stick to English...

You Failed 8th Grade Spanish

Sorry, you only got 0/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Spanish?

Think you can do better than me?

1. What color is "azul"?




• Purple


• Green


• Yellow


• Blue




2. Which is not a way to introduce your self?




• "Me llamo Maria"


• "Soy Maria"


• "Mi nombre es Maria"


• "Estoy Maria"




3. What day of the week is "martes"?




• Monday


• Tuesday


• Wednesday


• Thursday




4. How do you say "it's snowing"?




• Llueve


• Llovizna


• Nieva


• Truena




5. How do you say "she is married"?




• Ella es casado


• Ella es casada


• Ella est casado


• Ella esta casada




6. How do you say "I like dogs"?




• Me gustas los perros


• Me gusta los perros


• Me gusto los perros


• Me gustan los perros




7. How do you say "It's 7:30 pm"?




• Es la siete y media de la noche


• Son las siete y media de la


• Es la siete y media de la tarde


• Son las siete y media de la noche




8. What does the verb "aprender" mean?




• To remember


• To know


• To learn


• To receive

Lie about Giant Ants in China and Die

Don't cry giant ants in China. They don't tolerate that stuff there.

Wang Zhendong has been senteced to death in China for lying to investers about a get rich quick scheme involving giant ant breeding. He managed to scam more than 10,000 people out of about $390 million.

One of the people he ripped off actually killed himself when he found out it was all a scam. That seems a little extreme for me, but then again if you're prone to stick all your life savings in the over sized insect market you're probably not the best decision maker.

Links:

BBC - Death penalty over China ant scam

Google image search for 'giant ants'

Cleopatra was a but-her-face

Well my bubble has been burst: It turns out that Mark Antony and Cleopatra were not the Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston of the ancient world that we all thought they were.

A coin being displayed in Britain dating to 32 BC depicts the couple in not so attractive profiles. Apparently Shakespeare was wrong about here, it wasn't true that there were no words to sum up her beauty. Cleopatra simply had no beauty to sum up.

Is it silly to base the physical appearance of one of the most powerful leaders of the ancient world on some hastily made low denomination coins? Probably, but thats not going to stop the tabloids from blowing this out of proportion.

I can't wait until the media drops the Anna Nicole Smith death story and begins 24 nonstop news coverage on Cleopatra's crooked nose.

Links:

Yahoo News - Egyptian queen Cleopatra was no stunner, coin shows

ABC News - Did you know Brad and Jennifer broke up? I didn't!

Ninjas face massive unemployment

Don't be surprised if you see a ninjas and other assassins asking for handouts on the street. Due to increased competition from cancer, the professional killer market has been taking dramatic layoffs.

Cancer, whose secret weapon is uncontrollable division of cells, has proven to be a tough adversary to ninjas and hitmen. It is estimated that one ninja can kill 3,000 people per hour, but cancer boasts a kill rate of 5,000 per minute.

Cancer also has much more financial backing at its disposal with the support of the tobacco industry. Ninjas, however, don't usually have any finances. As part of the ninja honor code, money is forbidden because they view it as a weakness. They would much rather kill whoever has what they want instead of paying for it.

Many ninjas may be forced to take up other occupations if cancer continues its kill-athon. Despite their extreme agility, patience, focus and speed many ninjas will find it hard to adapt to most nine-to-five jobs due to their tendency to frequently flip out and kill people.

Links:

Ninjas really do flip out and kill people.

Whats the difference between Mormons and Ninjas?

Is cancer real, or is it a vast left wing conspiracy like Global Warming?

Chuck Norris is as deadly as five ninjas, cancer, and lightning combined.

I'm in love thanks to the internets

I was browsing through some Russian bride catalog websites today (by mistake of course), and came across a real keeper: Evgeniya.

I have no idea how to pronounce that name, and even my spell check is freaking out about it as I type this. I'm not up on Russian names, but "Evgeniya" looks like someone just mashed their head against the keyboard and those letters randomly got pressed.

Anyway, besides the hot photos (Which the site assured me they are really her. Really!), there is something that makes her stand out: her profile. Despite her English level being only "beginner" (translation: none), her profile is remarkably readable:

Hello!
My name is Evgeniya. I was born . I am very jolly, I adore adventures
I am Gemini, that is why I am always different and I don't let anyone be bored when I am around.
I love animals, especially cats. They are my weak point. I adore different techniques. Especially cars.
I am a student at the teachers' training university. I love children very much. In the future I want to have two kids.
My hobbies are sport, traveling, books, drawing and dancing.
I wish you were jolly, kind, intelligent, honest, punctual and without any harmful habits (as I don't smoke). I wish you loved kids.
And one more thing: if you want to have a jolly person by your side, a person who never loses heart, then pay your attention to me. You've already found such person!
Evgeniya

Its so much easier to seduce foreign girls when they tell you their "weak point" first. Although she might be a little demanding (I don't let anyone be bored when I am around. = control freak!), I think we can work things out. I'm jolly, she's jolly, its a match.

Plus her education is listed as "high advanced" and she weighs only 66. I'm not sure 66 of what, maybe she weighs as much as 66 kittens. I think thats how Russians weigh things.

Link to her actual profile: Here.

My second choice for a Russian bride.

This is a very serious blog

I was going to write something witty about Vista today, or something profound about US foreign policy with Iran.

But I'm feeling lazy so here is a picture of cops and a cat.

That was worth your time wasn't it!

Giant rabbits save North Korea from starvation?

A year ago there was a story about a man raising giant german rabbits weighing up to 22 pounds. The one pictured here is named Herman and was the size of an average dog. The rabbits are so huge that they have lost the ability to hop, and mostly do nothing but eat all day.

The man apparently was intentionally breeding and overfeeding the bunnies to make them suitable to be eaten. Yes, he wanted to eat Herman. But he said he grew to attached to the abomination of nature and decided not to cook them.

Recently there has been a new twist on the story. North Korea has taken interest in Herman. Kim Jong Il wants to help end massive starvation in his country by putting giant bunny meat in each North Korean's dinner plate. This plans seems to be much more likely to succeed than his previous idea of feeding the populace with lobsters.

Strangely, the owner of the giant rabbits has agreed to the North Korea's evil plan to eat all the easter bunnies. So far a dozen rabbits has been sent over to the regime, but none have been eaten yet.

Links:
Google - Herman news links
BBC - Herman could be 'biggest bunny'
Wikipedia - Herman
Fox News - North Korea Seeks Giant Rabbits for Meat Production to Alleviate Food Shortage
About.com - Herman the Giant Bunny Rabbit

Country where women rule

This is the way love works on an island off of Guinea-Bissau:

Women are only allowed to propose to men, and men are not allowed to refuse. The woman cooks a special fish meal and presents it to the man. Upon eating one bite the engagement is legally binding. And even if the man has never seen the female before, there is apparently something in the fish that makes him fall in love with her on the spot.

Here's one heart warming tale:

Like all men on this African isle, Carvadju Jose Nananghe knew exactly what it meant. Refusing was not an option. His heart pounding, he lifted the steaming fish to his lips, agreeing in one bite to marry the girl.

"I had no feelings for her," said Nananghe, now 65. "Then when I ate this meal, it was like lightning. I wanted only her."

Or at least thats the way things used to be. Now with the influence of western culture, more men are approaching the women. This is apparently causing a lot of rifts in the matriarchal society:

"The choice of a woman is much more stable," explains Okrane. "Rarely were there divorces before. Now, with men choosing, divorce has become common."

So now all the girls reading this have evidence that it is all men's fault. Links to the place where women rule:

CNN

Wikipedia